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Retirement Options
=Retirement Options= You can retire to Phoenix , Arizona where..... # You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade. # You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl. # You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town. # You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food. # You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door. # The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!! You can retire to California where... # You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house. # The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway. # You know how to eat an artichoke. # You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party. # When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is. # The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought. You can retire to New York City where... # You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan .... # You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map. # You think Central Park is "nature." # You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual. # You've worn out a car horn. (if you have a car) # You think eye contact is an act of aggression. You can retire to Alaska where... # You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco .. # Halloween costumes fit over parkas. # You have more than one recipe for moose. # Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons. # The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction. You can retire to the Deep South where... # You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store. # "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural. # "He needed killin'" is a valid defense. # Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc. # Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." It's important to know the difference, too. You can retire to Colorado where... # You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car # You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center. # A pass does not involve a football or dating. # The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail. You can retire to the Midwest where... # You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name. # Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor. # You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day. # You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at? " # When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!" AND You can retire to Florida where.. # You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon. # All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars. # Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist. # Road construction never ends anywhere in the state. # Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people. Category:Humor